I Never Consider the Scar

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The “Bump” 

Since I was teenager, I had this annoying little bump on my leg. Not a mole really, just a random pinkish bump. Throughout the years, I had contemplated getting it removed. Around 2007, I talked to a Dr about it and he told me it didn’t look like anything concerning. Then I began to think, if they remove it, will a dent be just as annoying as a bump? So I left it alone

Fast forward, to last Fall. My insurance changed and I met with my new Dr at Kaiser. I had my laundry list of issues I wanted to discuss with her, and among them, the bump. She didn’t seem to concerned about it either. But as an after thought, she decided to send over a picture to Dermatology, just in case. Good looking out, Doc!

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Crocheting during the procedure, the Nurse laughed and said she wanted to take a picture. I said, “Go for it!”. The staff was amazing, my cheeks hurt from all the laughter.

 

My little annoying friend/enemy, turned out to be Cancer. A rare Carcenoma, a tumor of the sweat gland. I wasn’t worried, the first Dermatologist said it was really slow growing and wouldn’t have metastasized. Then I go in for the procedure and the surgeon reassures me it definitely would have eventually…..

 

And so now, I am left feeling my mortal existence. That despite my overall good health there are still dangers lurking. And then, I am reminded that I am getting older. My kids are getting older; my parents are getting older. And I am not ready. Not even close to ready.

 

I never consider the scar until the moment I am in the middle of it. I don’t generally worry about handling my business or doing what I have to do. Then the moment is upon me, it’s as if reality hits me like a Mac truck and I began to realize the impact of what is happening to  me. Time is passing… and there is nothing I can do but live.

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 (tattoo coming soon :))

Who cares about a scar anyway? Everything leaves a mark but at least it won’t kill me….

And I am here to see another day, to hug and kiss my babies and husband; share time and laughter with my friends and family. I call my Mom and Dad, every chance I get, in the days we have left. We are mortal beings and this life won’t last forever.

Screw you Cancer… not this time.

Xoxo

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2 thoughts on “I Never Consider the Scar

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